


To Land

by SarahWritesThings



Series: "Extreme Risk" [4]
Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: Canon Compliant, Depression, Drabble, Episode: s05e03 Extreme Risk, F/M, One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-06
Updated: 2019-11-06
Packaged: 2021-01-24 10:14:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 738
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21336571
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SarahWritesThings/pseuds/SarahWritesThings
Summary: Landing is harder than the fall, but living is the hardest of all.After their inaugural mission on the Delta Flyer, B'Elanna wonders what life will be like now.
Relationships: Tom Paris/B'Elanna Torres
Series: "Extreme Risk" [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1432657
Comments: 4
Kudos: 16





	To Land

As they rode back to _Voyager_ the ship was silent. The crew had long since learned not to celebrate until you were back on board and had confirmed nothing had happened to the ship while you were gone. And after this particular life-threatening adventure, the crew of the Delta Flyer was carefully monitoring all sensors, cautious, but optimistic.

B’Elanna glanced over her right shoulder. Her desperate attempt to keep the hull from buckling had worked and was still holding during their ascent back into space. She let out a shallow breathe, trying to focus on the console readings in front of her.

_“I thought you weren’t interested in your job anymore?”_

It had been a throw away comment. And response to her desperate plead and reflection of his own terror at what situation they were sending their officers into.

It hadn’t really been a question. It was an accusation, as the marched down the corridor, leaping into action. Chakotay probably hadn’t meant to be short with her, but he was the first officer and B’Elanna _couldn’t_ matter in that moment. And that was fine, perfect even.

She couldn’t stop seeing it all in her mind’s eye.

B’Elanna wanted to be interested. She _needed_ to be interested. But the whispers in her head prevented it. She had been faking it for weeks, so what was another day?

Maybe the faking could be enough.

A loud beep almost stirred her out of her reverie, almost, almost, but not quite. Tom’s warm timbre filled the cockpit, shaking her soul but leaving her brain in the fog. He was talking to the Captain, letting _Voyager _know that they had been successful, and that they would be able to dock in just a moment.

B’Elanna wondered what would be waiting for her when they did.

Chakotay, looking at her with those warm, deep eyes? Tuvok, reprimanding her for weeks of breaking protocol? The Doctor, ready to lock her up again until she told them she would be normal again? Maybe even the Captain, about to strip her of rank.

It felt like the world was rocking gently, but it couldn’t be, as the internal dampeners weren’t damaged in the flight and Tom was too good a pilot.

It was her.

That seemed to be the regular theme these days. Everything that went wrong, every little error in Engineering and ever disfunction in her relationships, it was B’Elanna, failing to be the person everyone needed her to be.

As _Voyager_ swam into view, the world seemed to sharpen, giving her something new to focus on.

Maybe it was her imagination, but Tom seemed to be watching her. It would start as a glance, but then focus on her, holding eye contact for a few heartbeats.

Why did that make her feel so weak?

The thump of landing welcomed in a whole new wave of activity, Joe Carey appeared, beginning a diagnostic and congratulating B’Elanna on a job well done. Engineers swarmed around, checking consoles and relaying what had happened above the surface of the gas giant.

It was suffocating.

So she stepped out of the ship, looking out at the cold grey of the shuttlebay walls, trying to calm herself, all while keeping a neutral expression on her face.

Nothing had changed.

From behind her, she heard Tom’s voice, desperate and questioning, but trailing off.

She turned to look at him.

“B’Elanna…..”

It was a question and an argument and defeat all rolled into a word. Into her own name.

It cut deeper than a knife.

She wanted him to yell, to scream, to cry and beg or to leave her on the spot. Anything but the stare that he currently was giving her. Anything but a silent plead for an explanation.

Because how do you explain the emptiness? The hopelessness. The desperate need to _do_ and the inescapable weight preventing anything at all. The blistering bite of nothing all the while you climb for breath. Of drowning no matter how hard you try.

Tom took another step closer, cautiously trying to gauge her reaction. But B’Elanna didn’t move. She didn’t know what would happen if she did.

Spurred on, Tom approached and wrapped his arms around her.

B’Elanna felt her shoulders shake as she, without meaning to, leaned into him.

Tom took a deep breath and whispered in her ear, “I love you B’Elanna. No matter what.”

Maybe she'd let herself believe him.


End file.
